God Will Not Send You Something That Belongs To Someone Else...

Hello all,

I know that it has been a while, but I am in the middle of writing my doctoral study and that thing is a BEAST!!! But, I wanted to take some time and touch base with my blog and talk about some of the things that are on my spirit. One thing, in particular, that has been weighing heavily on my heart is something that one of my closest friends is dealing with and I am at a loss of how to help them.

They are involved with someone who is married. They were given the age old line of bull that the marriage is over and they are very disconnected with their spouse. However, they are still sleeping in their bed of marriage TOGETHER and every time my friend turns around, they are somewhere out and about with their spouse. Now, once upon a time, I was in a very disconnected relationship and we lived in the same house for a whole lot longer than we should have. However, we did not sleep in the same bed. We barely talked and I did not have to sneak and do anything that I wanted to do and neither did he (that's a whole 'nother blog, honey). I say that to say this, I feel that my friend is being strung along. I think that this person just wants to keep them around as another option, not a priority. Not only is being involved with someone who is married a very toxic and self depreciating situation, but the only thing that will come from it is one person (my friend) being very hurt and the other person (the married one) getting away with yet another lie, as well as having their cake and eating the hell out of it, too.

We are very close, so I feel that I can always be honest with them and tell it like it is. So me, being the person that I am, advised them to leave the married person alone. They said that they have tried to walk away from them on several occasions, but were always pulled back in by their strong desire for them and the promise of something that will never be. I told them that love, real love, is not supposed to be hidden.  Real love is open and consistent. Real love is not ruled by sexual desire. Real love is an action, not just words. Real love does not lie. Real love feeds your soul and uplifts your spirit. Real love is free and does not cost you your dignity and self-respect. Real love is not indifferent. Real love does not offer up excuses. Real love works overtime to ensure that its recipient is happy and feels secure in that love.

I can understand how sometimes the heart does not do what the mind tells it to. That's primarily why you should not allow it to dictate your actions. My friend told me that they intended to marry this person, one day. My question to them is how can you have plans to marry someone who is already married and have not told you ANY plans of a divorce being sought??? Understand that if they will cheat WITH you, they will cheat ON you. A REAL adult will end one relationship completely before starting another one. You should always love YOURSELF enough not to settle for less than what you deserve in a relationship. Set standards in the beginning, and don't sway from them. Pay attention to those individuals who want more from you than they are willing to invest in you.  Make them cherish your worth in the same matter that you should. The wrong relationship will make you feel more alone than actually being alone did. God will never send you something that belongs to someone else. Prefer to be happily single than miserably attached.

Miracles and Blessings,
TL

Miss TL Is Expecting...

Happy 2014 everyone!!!

I know that it has been a while since my last post and I have yet to keep you in the loop of what has been on my spirit lately, but I hope that this makes up for it. Miss TL is expecting!!!

I am so happy to have a new creation manifest itself through me that will one day have a magnificent impact on the world. My due date is in December, and through the nine months that it will take me to form this amazing new extension of myself, I will learn what it means to truly give my all to something and watch it grow into fruition. I realize that this will be a rough journey, but I am fully prepared to see what I will bring into existence. For the longest time, I was dead set against taking on this journey, as I thought that I would not handle it well and ultimately be unsuccessful. Those that know me well can attest to my apprehension in beginning this change in my life, However, God does not make any mistakes and He is ordering my steps and will walk with me as I go and grow through this new experience.

Now, before you start to think that I am speaking of being pregnant with a human child, let me stall your thoughts. I am not having a young'un. :)  However, I will be officially beginning my doctoral study/dissertation process on March 3, 2014. It will take me nine months to create a study that will affect major changes in the business world. With that in mind, I do think of this as a pregnancy. A profound body of scholarly work will be created by me.It will take a lot of time, focus, discipline and care to pull something of this magnitude off. In essence, this will be my baby. I will be just as protective of it as any mother would and I will stand back with that "proud mama" smile on my face and it is approved and accepted into the world.

I ask that you all pray my strength (and sanity) as I begin this process. I will do my best to keep you all posted on my progress, frustrations, trials, triumphs and ultimate success as I go through one of the most challenging phases of my life, to date.

Miracles and Blessings,
TL

My Truths...

Hello, Hello, Hello...

So it has been a very long while since my last post, but y'all know my struggle. Anywho, recently on Facebook, this game went around where your "friends" listed a certain amount of personal characteristics/statements about themselves, and if you liked their status, you had to do the same post with one more characteristic or statement. I thought that this was a very interesting way to get to know people and allow people to get to know me. So with this post, I will give you some tidbits about myself so you can get a glimpse into who in the world this Miss TL is...

-I love all things purple.

-I love to read.

- My all time favorite book is the memoir by Cupcake Brown entitled A Piece of Cake. It is an AMAZING book.

-I love my hometown, but I don't think that I could ever live there again.

-Two of my favorite television shows (next to Scandal) are Matlock and The Golden Girls.

-I have zero tolerance for people who need to have a seat and shut up, but choose not to.

-I can't stand people who can't handle their liquor and morph into the devil after a few drinks.

-I absolutely, positively cannot wait to take on the title of Dr. and start the challenge of educating others.

-I love sports. (Basketball and football specifically...)

-Crying is attached to every single one of my emotions (happy, sad, mad, scared, etc...).

-My first love is now one of my closest friends.

- The man that I am currently dating is the man that I am going to marry.

-I generally have a very quiet nature (until I'm all liquored up! lol)

-My drinks of choice are Patron Silver and Coconut or Peach Ciroc.

-No one can tell me that Oprah is not one of my real life Aunties.

-If you say something negative in my presence about The (current) First Family (including Bo and Sunny) I will take it very personal. 

-I collect Cabbage Patch Dolls.

-I love Disney movies/cartoons

-What attracts me most (not only) to my boyfriend is his intellect and his gigantic...umm, heart. Yeah, that's it, his gigantic heart. :)

-I have a strong dislike for people who have no drive or ambition.

- My mother is the most important person in the world to me and I talk to her EVERYDAY!

- I cry everytime I see Steel Magnolias and The Color Purple

- A work environment full of favoritism infuriates me.

- I prefer to hang out with my male friends rather than my female friends (we females can be so catty some times).

-I have no problem going to a movie or to dinner alone (I'm good company).

-I can't stand someone who boasts and brags about their material possessions. I'm never a hater, but if that's all that you have to brag about then you have a very empty life.

-and lastly, I am probably the most sarcastic person that you will EVER meet.

So there you have it. Just a few tidbits about me to close out 2013. Please feel free to share some things about yourself in my comments section or just tell me if we have something in common. I may be back before the year's end but if not, I wish you all a very prosperous 2014.

Miracles and Blessings,
TL

Lift As You Climb...

" We cannot be silent on things that matter because we are each a part of the village...We must continue to trail blaze, we must continue to break glass ceilings...we must lift as we climb."--Beverly Bond, Black Girls Rock founder


Hello all...

Getting right into it...The above quote was from the annual Black Girls Rock ceremony that aired on BET on November 3, 2013. Although, there were a myriad of quotes that touched my spirit, this one was, by far, one of the best. This really hit home for me, as I am a firm believer in inspiring, motivating and uplifting others through my personal experiences, writings, readings and spoken words of encouragement. Oftentimes, especially in the workplace, you experience that all too familiar "crabs in a barrel" effect. This is when those in the same position as you feel that the only why that they can get to the next level is to pull (and attempt to keep) you down. They will throw you under the bus at every opportunity, highlight your mistakes while diminishing their own and attempt to outshine you in the presence of managers and anyone that they feel they can take advantage of to get their foot in the doorway that leads to the next level. This is quite sad to me, because I have always been the type to want to be rewarded and/or promoted based on my merits, skill sets and potential and not whether or not someone liked me.

Getting back to this profound quote, Ms Bond really spoke to my spirit with this.  It baffles me when I see how close-minded and selfish people can be when it comes  to lifting others up as they climb. On one level, I can almost understand how the mind set of focusing on one's self can lead them not to worry about others as they achieve their goals.  However, is it necessary to try to keep somebody else down while you try to move up? I think not. 

This brings to mind something else that I have experienced. Just recently, a dear friend of mine landed a position that is directly related to what he studied in his bachelors and masters programs. He had been trying to get into his field for many years and after a lot of disappointments and dead-end jobs, he finally achieved his goal. For me, as I'm typing this post, a line from a song by the old school rapper, Biz Markie, comes to mind. "Damn it feels good to see people up on it." My boy is doing the doggone thang and has advised me to not even think about hesitating to call on him should I ever need his help to reach MY next goal. This is the the message that Ms. Bond was trying to convey with her statement.
Lift as you climb, people. The experience in doing so will truly take you higher than you ever imagined. 

Miracles and Blessings,

TL

A Moment of Reflection...

Hello all,

I know that it has been a while since my last post, but with school, the mister, work and the new season of Scandal starting :), time has just been going ever so quickly.  So let me just get into what is on my spirit.

So yesterday, I celebrated my 29th birthday again (I liked that age, so I'm going to stick with it for a while. lol) and I actually had a very amazing day/weekend. Aside from the normal celebrating and shot drinking, I took some time to reflect on where I've been, where I am and where I'm going in my life. I also came to some startling (and not so startling) realizations about myself. Aside from relearning everything that I mentioned here, I'll share with you the outcome of my day of reflection.

People who lack the clarity, courage, or determination to follow their own dreams will often find ways to discourage yours.

This is very true. I used to date this guy that did not have any type of drive or ambition and he was happy with were he was in his life. For the most part, there is really nothing wrong with this  and I am certainly not judging him, however, he didn't see a need to strive for something better. Because he didn't see this need for himself, he didn't understand my need for me. It is a wonderful thing to be happy with where you are in life, but you should never become complacent because there is always a higher level to aim for.


For those who confuse you, recognize that their confusion is theirs and your clarity is yours.

This was particularly enlightening for me, not so much because I wasn't aware of it, but moreso because of how I perceive my dealings with others. I had a friend, or acquaintance of such, that never understood (and still doesn't understand) why I kept going back to school for advanced degrees. They were like, "Don't you get tired of school?" To me that translated into, "Don't you get tired of educating yourself'?" To no surprise, they were met with a resounding. "NO!"  They were confused about the fact that my desire to continuously educate myself is directly related to the various ways that I validate myself, personally.  To me, this was not for them to understand and that is why they still do not.

What you are, and who you are should provide greater clarity about where you have been and where you are headed.

Who am I? A child of God. What am I? A strong, educated, inspired Black woman who is destined for greatness and driven by purpose. Of this, I am clear and sure. My journey to my destiny began at my birth and will take me as far as I am willing to push myself. I am that I am!

There are times in relationships, when we mess up. In spite of our best intentions, we do others wrong. Our jealousy makes us feel inferior. Our own wounds cause us to act irrationally. Our insecurities lead us to say hurtful things.

One thing that I find myself doing in my current relationship is punishing him for the things that went wrong in my last relationship. Certain insecurities that were present in my previous relationship traveled to this one. Not because of anything that he does or does not do, but because I haven't let go of my past. I don't think that he realizes this because he hasn't said anything. I know that he's a good man because any other man would have walked away. I'm getting better with this daily as I do not want to lose a good man because of the issues of a bad one.

I will never apologize for my feelings because truth doesn’t need regret. However, I will apologize for not communicating love in the way my loved ones feel that word should be defined and expressed.

Being apologetic for your true feelings is a sure fire way of ensuring that you will not ever be taken seriously by anyone. Stand firm on your principles and be bold with your beliefs. However, you should be sure that you are expressing yourself in a respectful manner, especially to those you love and love you.

I would rather be calm and focused, than irrational and emotional.

I have always been one to have a level head. I see no need to do a lot of screaming and yelling to get my point across. If you can't get it with me speaking calmly, then you probably aren't going to get it if I yell. Sadly, everyone doesn't get this.

My tolerance for ignorance and immaturity in adults is finally at zero.

This does not need any explanation. Grow up!

So as you can see, I did quite a bit of reflecting. This is good for me considering that there was a lot of 1800 Tequila clouding my thoughts lol. I normally do this kind of thing on New Years Day of each year, but yesterday seemed like a good day for reflection as it was rainy and dreary out and I had the day off. Anywho, I hope that you all can take something from my reflection into your own journey. If I can touch your spirit, then I have done a good thing.


Miracles and Blessings,

TL

Be Consistent...

Hello, hello, hello world!!!  I know that it has been awhile, but your girl has been inundated with school and these doctor dreams of mine. September 4th was my one year mark in the doctoral program and that 4.0 is still holding strong! Got me dancing like this! LOL!!!

Anywoo... Several things have been on my spirit since my last post, but this one thing has been weighing heavily. Can somebody please tell me why some so-called adults are so consistently inconsistent??? I really want to know! I must know! One minute they're talking to you, the next they're not. One minute you're laughing with them, the next minute they are rolling their eyes at you when you walk by (which, by the way, is the most ridiculous thing that I have ever seen an adult do). One minute they love you, the next they are confused and don't know what to do. Lawd Jesus, can you all please get yourselves together?!?!?  Isn't all that changing exhausting? Don't get me wrong, I am all for evolving and growing to be your best self, but all this flip-flopping is certainly for the birds. That foolishness is not for the betterment of anything. You are just being messy because you think that you are the center of the universe. Honeyboo, have a seat and get your life...

I find it very unproductive and unnecessary to be this inconsistent in your daily life. To me, it seems that these people are more concerned with messing up somebody else's day as opposed to ensuring that they are being their best selves and making their day great. I guess that this is why my circle of friends is very small (by choice), because I just don't have time for all of that. My purpose in this life is destined to be too great to involve myself with anything or anyone that will not bring me closer to it.  When someone is putting out all of that negativity, they should ask themselves, "What did I accomplish with that?" "Do I feel better because I think that I made someone else feel bad?" "Is my inconsistency solving any problems or creating them?"  If you can ask yourself these questions and still move forward with your negative inconsistency, then may God be with you. If the answers to those questions change something in you that make you change your actions, then God is already working in you. If you like somebody, and they haven't done anything to make you not like them, then like them Monday through Sunday, all day, everyday. If you love somebody and they haven't done anything to make you stop loving them, then love them Monday through Sunday, January through December and then start over again. Please, let's do better, people...



Miracles and Blessings,
TL

Letting Go...

Hello all,

It's been a while, but y'all know my struggle so just be ok with it and love me anyway. :) Anywho, the thing that is on my spirit today is the subject of letting go. I have learned that this is one of the hardest things in the world for someone to do. Whether it's a relationship, friendship, job, habit or whatever, letting go of something that does not add any (or very little) positivity into your life is a necessity for your personal evolution. In this life, you will find that it is necessary to let things go simply because they are heavy and weighing down your spirit. If you find yourself more frustrated and unfulfilled by something or someone, then this is a hint and a half that it or they should not hold a permanent place in your life. Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength, however, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.

Oftentimes, when it comes to a relationship, deciding to let go can literally be gut-wrenching. This is because your heart and mind are fighting eachother for your well-being. I will admit that, as a woman, I have a tendency to follow my heart moreso than my mind. Sometimes, this can be a good thing. Most times, this is a bad thing. It is an unfortunate thing that the heart does not do what the mind tells it to. Our hearts are created for love and happiness. Our minds understand that love and happiness are not in all situations. It's sad that these two entities don't communicate as they should. I suppose that this is one of the many consistent burdens that we all have to bear in life.

We can't be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean or a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don't have something better. I think that one of my favorite Helen Keller quotes says it best: When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. 

The most beautiful thing about the journey into your future is understanding that your past has no place there. Embrace change, let go and evolve into your best self.


Miracles and Blessings,
TL