Hello all,
I know that it has been a while, but I am in the middle of writing my doctoral study and that thing is a BEAST!!! But, I wanted to take some time and touch base with my blog and talk about some of the things that are on my spirit. One thing, in particular, that has been weighing heavily on my heart is something that one of my closest friends is dealing with and I am at a loss of how to help them.
They are involved with someone who is married. They were given the age old line of bull that the marriage is over and they are very disconnected with their spouse. However, they are still sleeping in their bed of marriage TOGETHER and every time my friend turns around, they are somewhere out and about with their spouse. Now, once upon a time, I was in a very disconnected relationship and we lived in the same house for a whole lot longer than we should have. However, we did not sleep in the same bed. We barely talked and I did not have to sneak and do anything that I wanted to do and neither did he (that's a whole 'nother blog, honey). I say that to say this, I feel that my friend is being strung along. I think that this person just wants to keep them around as another option, not a priority. Not only is being involved with someone who is married a very toxic and self depreciating situation, but the only thing that will come from it is one person (my friend) being very hurt and the other person (the married one) getting away with yet another lie, as well as having their cake and eating the hell out of it, too.
We are very close, so I feel that I can always be honest with them and tell it like it is. So me, being the person that I am, advised them to leave the married person alone. They said that they have tried to walk away from them on several occasions, but were always pulled back in by their strong desire for them and the promise of something that will never be. I told them that love, real love, is not supposed to be hidden. Real love is open and consistent. Real love is not ruled by sexual desire. Real love is an action, not just words. Real love does not lie. Real love feeds your soul and uplifts your spirit. Real love is free and does not cost you your dignity and self-respect. Real love is not indifferent. Real love does not offer up excuses. Real love works overtime to ensure that its recipient is happy and feels secure in that love.
I can understand how sometimes the heart does not do what the mind tells it to. That's primarily why you should not allow it to dictate your actions. My friend told me that they intended to marry this person, one day. My question to them is how can you have plans to marry someone who is already married and have not told you ANY plans of a divorce being sought??? Understand that if they will cheat WITH you, they will cheat ON you. A REAL adult will end one relationship completely before starting another one. You should always love YOURSELF enough not to settle for less than what you deserve in a relationship. Set standards in the beginning, and don't sway from them. Pay attention to those individuals who want more from you than they are willing to invest in you. Make them cherish your worth in the same matter that you should. The wrong relationship will make you feel more alone than actually being alone did. God will never send you something that belongs to someone else. Prefer to be happily single than miserably attached.
Miracles and Blessings,
TL
